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<aside> ⚠️ TL;DR If you don't have time for relationships, you don't have time for co-design. As Jade Lillie, with Kate Larsen, Cara Kirkwood and Jax Jacki Brown have titled their excellent book "the Relationship is the project."

Prioritising relationships is a key principle for co-design and must happen throughout the co-design process. Co-design requires significant investment in building trust. That trust usually starts between the support team and co-designers – over cups of tea and through conversations**.**

If you have a resource to contribute, please get in touch.

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Relationships help to create an environment where people can soften their armour, feel safe and be honest. Relationships become increasingly important throughout the co-design process as we challenge and are challenged by each other. To support relationships, creating opportunities for peer support often helps people with lived experience to feel safe, be seen and share support.

Partner with, don’t parent co-designers

People’s contributions come in many different packages. They are helped not by our judgement but through our love and our interest (see Saleebey, 2006). It’s common to see people trying to co-design with young people, for example, and trying to change them. They want them to ‘behave’ and ‘be normal’. In co-design, people’s honest contributions are more important than false politeness or formality.

Talk with people with lived experience

Slow down and get to know people with lived experience over cups of tea and quiet conversations at places where they’re comfortable. Build trust before broaching difficult topics. Understand people’s identities, strengths, triggers, expectations and any barriers they might face to participating. Here are some questions you could ask co-designers with lived experience:

• Have you been a part of a group before? What was your experience?
• Have you been part of a design process? If not, what do you think it might be like?
• What makes you feel welcome? Part of a team?
• What can cause you to feel disconnected?
• How can I make sure I know if you’re feeling unsafe or unable to contribute?
• Are there any triggers we should be aware of?
• Is there anything I should know to support your meaningful participation?

Ask people in advance what safe would look and feel like, should it be true.

Talk with professionals and provocateurs